Respect the Tech KIA, Not Women

This KIA advertisement has been annoying the crap out of me since SuperBowl so I thought I would mention it. It features a grown woman (Miss USA Alyssa Campanella), playing a robot. Which when you think about it, is a literal objectification of women. And of course, when you're a female playing anything, you have to be sexy. So she's a sexy robot, in skimpy sexy robot clothes. Even when she kicks that guys' ass, she does so in a stereotypical femme fatale way.

Correct me if I'm wrong but in all the movies that have featured male robots, I can't think of a single sexy male robot. Male robots are always just cool, with crazy cool technological features. The female KIA robot's greatest asset, despite being an effing ROBOT for god's sakes, is still her long legs and robo-cleavage.


It's even sadder because this ad, originally run during the Superbowl, was created by a bunch of famous people: Oscar winner Robert Elswit as Director of Photography (There Will Be Blood, Magnolia, The Town); stunt coordinator Gary Powell (Skyfall, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Legend of Zorro); Academy Award-winning editor Kirk Baxter (The Social Network, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo); and Carl Erik Rinsch, an award-winning director, and has been widely applauded in the ad world.

No More Vegetables! Just Give Me WhoNu Cookies!

WhoNu Cookies are the absolute worst example of Healthwashing I have ever seen. Apparently, their cookies are "an excellent source of Calcium, Iron, Vitamins A, B12, C, D and E. They also have 3 grams of fiber and a total of 17 essential vitamins and minerals."

 Sounds awesome! Sign me up! I'll just subsist of a WhoNu cookie diet. Screw vegetables. These Oreo-type cookies injected with a bunch of stuff are soooo much better for me.

Just don't let me find out that each WhoNu cookie has 4.7 times as much sugar as a plain old oreo. Shh!

Ice Cream Store Without a Freezer

How cool is this new innovation? Smitten Ice Cream, based out of San Fransico, makes each scoop of ice cream fresh before your eyes (in 60 seconds!), using their unique liquid nitrogen based machine. No need to freeze anything. In fact, until they had a real store, they just sold it out of a cart on the street.

The Sad Lesson of the "Pet Rock"

In the late 70s, the Pet Rock was a new joke. An Ad Exec was in a bar listening to his friends complain about the hassles of having a real pet, and he came up with the idea of a Pet Rock. A Pet Rock, as the joke went, did not have to fed, walked or bathed.

Being an Ad Exec Alpha Personality, he went ahead and made the Pet Rocks a reality. For a while, these were the biggest trend. A Pet Rock came with the rock itself as well as a funny instruction manual for your new Pet. In the year or so that the fad lasted, the Ad Exec in question became a millionaire. Eventually, Rosebud Entertainment bought the rights to the Pet Rock - and Hipsters everywhere can now buy them again as of 2012.

The Ad Exec's joke was that you can sell absolutely anything as long as you market it right, even a Rock. Sadly, he proved us right.

There is now even a more modern version of the Pet Rock:

Ketchup Loses All Appeal in these "Sex Sells" Ads

 Seeing ketchup bottles spanking people's bottoms have definitely turned me off ketchup for life. The idea was something about new squeezable bottles, but that gets lost in the sleaziness.

The idea itself is tacky. The visuals are poorly done. The cartoon ladies are all boobs and butts. The cartoon dude is there to stop me from complaining about sexism.

Worst of all, the spanked recipients look petrified, like it's non-consensual. Gross.